Supercop

Holy crap, this movie was craaazyyyy Bad-Ass!

It had everything: martial arts, fight scenes with taser guns, rad gun shootouts, car chases, explosions, knife fights and of course, helicopters on top of moving trains. With fighting. And more guns. And dudes on fire. And women with just as many hardcore moves as the guys (bonus).

It had a weird soundtrack too; like, a cover of "Stayin' Alive," some 2pac (or something that sounded a lot like 2pac) and then a cover of "Kung Fu Fighting" by someone who may/may not have been Tom Jones.

One of my favorite scenes? It wasn't particularly Bad-Ass, but it was Funny As Shit: Jackie Chan's girlfriend is being held hostage in a helicopter that's hovering like, 10 feet above the ground. She won't stop screaming, so the bad guys just kick her out of the 'copter and she falls face-first onto a car parked below. No idea why they decided to include that scene in the final cut of the movie, but I'm awfully glad they did.

This was the ultimate action movie. And it was released in the early 90s, so there was just the right number of suede-lined jean jackets (one).

Doug says as a movie in general, it's 3 stars, but on a scale of Bad-Ass, 4. I concur.

Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior

-Mel Gibson used to be so hot! Young, leather-clad, Australian accent. And now? Old, American-accented and openly anti-Jew-y. Sigh.

-I must say, I enjoyed this much better than the first Mad Max. This one was definitely more Bad-Ass and better-paced.

-What is up with that kid's face? He looks like a Precious Moments doll. A post-apocalyptic Precious Moments doll. Or, as Doug said, "An Australian Jonathan Lipnicki." Mongoloid face and teased hair aside, throwing that boomerang into that dude's forehead? Bad-Ass.

-That dog was Bad-Ass; holding a bad guy at gun point while Max drives?! My dog's worthless.

-Possible drinking game: Every time the Gyro Captain (seriously?! total sex toy name) comes back after he was shot down and you thought he was dead, take a shot.

Gotta give this one 4.5 stars out of 5. It seemed long for a 95 minute movie and I got a bit tired of seeing the same ol' scantily clad psychopaths over and over again, hence the .5 star deduction.

Did Tam cry? Almost; when they killed the dog.

Dirty Harry.

Last week's feature:

-Taking down a gang of robbers by yourself? Bad-Ass.

-Oh, that hair. Work it, Clint. And so my crush on 70s-era Clint Eastwood begins.

-This movie was a lot more intense and dark than I thought it would be. I also thought Dirty Harry was a western, so that certainly didn't help.

-I now know where the whole "'Do I feel lucky?'" line came from.

Definitely a lot of Bad-Ass moments, but much more of a thriller/suspense drama. I'm gonna go with 3.5 stars out of 5 on this one.

Did Tam cry: No.

Next week? Not sure yet, but I think we might be down for some Kung-Fu.

Big Trouble in Little China, brought to you by Puma.

Another John Carpenter/Kurt Russell team up. Some highlights:

-During the opening interview with Egg, I could already tell it was gonna be Bad Ass. Plus that opening music? Forget about it.

-Kim Catrall?! Oooooooo.

Doug: Pork-Chop Express!
Me: Team name! (for pub quiz)
Doug: No, your new nickname!
Me: ... (too shocked to respond)
Doug: Pork-Chop Express!

-Did I just see Isaac Hayes? Again?

Me: Ha! There's gangs in Chinatown? (continues laughter)
Doug: (all serious and shit) Yeah...
Me: Really?
Doug: Uh, yeah...
Me: Oh.

-DRINKING GAME! Every time someone says "girl with green eyes," take a drink.

Did Tam cry? Fuck, no!

Closing thoughts: This movie was insane. And so bad, it was Bad-Ass. Seriously, that script was hysterically shitty. But the martial arts? Weird creatures? Random flying and lightening powers? Cheesy acting? Kurt's mullet and sweet tank top to show off his guns? I had to give it 4 out of 5 stars. Some scenes were just too out there and trippy for me, hence no fifth star.

Next Week: Dirty Harry (because it was referenced at some point in this movie)