Taken

FINALLY, a movie that didn't suck. BAMF is back in full force! Thanks to my cousin and her husband for letting us borrow this.

Doug had his doubts about Liam Neeson being Bad-Ass, but I figured given the plot, it had to be worth a watch and couldn't possibly be worse than Fifth Element or Highlander. And it so wasn't.

Torture scene? Check. Bad-Ass car chases that make me want to buy an Audi? Check. Taking out all of those fuckers on the boat? Suh-weeet! Also, check.

It was well-paced too. Just under 90 minutes, so it was non-stop Bad-Assery, topped off with a happy ending of course.

It was kinda sad about her friend, y'know, dying, but uh... Being too eager to share cabs with strangers in a foreign country? Well, lesson learned, eh?

Anyway, Doug and I agreed on the rating: 4.5 stars out of 5. The half-star deduction simply because it wasn't Die Hard.

Did Tam cry? I got choked up at the end during the father-daughter reunion. Yeah, that horse you got for your birthday didn't save you, did he? Mmm-hmm.

Great Bad-Assery. Now back to my bourbon.

n/a

Watching "The Fifth Element" after a suggestion from a coworker.

Um, no.

Piece of shit with no Bad-Ass qualities whatsoever. Doesn't qualify, so no rating.

Between this and Highlander, we need to step up our game. A Bourne sequel. Jason Statham. Something. No more crap.

Highlander (with RiffTrax)

Wow, this was a piece of shit. Not even in a fun way. How this went on to spawn sequels and a TV series, I'll never understand. Doug and I had never seen it though, so we thought it would be worthy of BAMF, but it wasn't, not by a long shot.

Having RiffTrax helped for laughs, but I still started to fall asleep, even after a cup of coffee half way through. During the opening credits, I thought, "Oh, Sean Connery! Soundtrack by Queen! Surely this must be awesome!" Sigh.

Ah, well. Hopefully we'll have better judgement next week. I'm giving it 2 stars out of 5. One and a half stars for the mildly cool sword fights and decapitations and another half star for a drinking game opportunity: every time someone says "There can only be one," take a shot. Of hard liquor. Or heroin. Doesn't matter.

Did Tam cry: Almost. Because I was so goddamn bored.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day

Super-late in posting this. Despite packing and moving last weekend, we still managed to squeeze in BAMF.

-Heeeeey, Budnick from "Salute Your Shorts"!

-Never understood the appeal of Edward Furlong. Probably for the same reasons I didn't understand the appeal of Leo DiCaprio during that same time period. Side-swept hair and squint-y eyes? Meh. But I digress.

-I was finally able to witness what people in the fitness world have referenced time and time again: Linda Hamilton's arms. Gun show, indeed. She was crazy bad-ass.

-No, John, the robot can't be your new daddy.

Way better than the first. Forgot to discuss the rating with Doug, but I think 4 stars out of 5 is pretty fair.

Did Tam cry? Nah.

True Lies

Moved pretty slow, but in the last 40 minutes, totally Bad-Ass. Too tired to say much else, but Doug and I agree: 4.5 stars out of 5. Besides Harry taking out multiple terrorists while pulling off some cool shit to save his wife and daughter, it was also pretty funny when Bill Paxton pissed himself not once, but twice.

Did Tam cry: Nah.

The Terminator.

Man, Kyle is hot. *waves* Hiii Kyyyyle!

Shit was nuts! Bodies droppin', skulls crushin', cars crashin'... Definitely many moments of classic Bad-Assery. TITTIES!

Buuuut... We're giving it 3 out of 5 stars. After some discussion, Doug pointed out that, unlike, say, Die Hard, the protagonists didn't necessarily find themselves in increasingly desperate situations that left you on the edge of your seat wondering "How the deuce are they gonna make it out of THIS?!" You're basically watching the same chase over and over. But, as Doug pointed out (because yes, this was my first time seeing it, not his), they're just trying to get through story establishment so they can jump into a much more Bad-Ass sequel.

So, there we have it.

Did Tam cry? Nah. Kinda bummed about Hot Kyle, but his demise is kind of a major plot point, so, y'know, whatevs.

True Romance

Written by Tarantino and starring everybody.

This movie was indeed Bad-Ass, but wow, hello violence. Watching the Patricia Arquette/James Gandolfini beat-down was a little rough for me, but the outcome was desirable, so I s'pose it's all good.

Lots of guns and lots of hands-on action. And who doesn't love Brad Pitt as a stoner for comic relief? Also, even though he will deny it up and down, Doug totally resembles a young Michael Rapaport. Bahahaha.

Very entertaining 2 hours and even though I've always been kind of mildly annoyed with Christian Slater, the Bad-Assery of his character in this film caused me to throw down some mad respect. Mad, y'all.

My only real criticism is the laughable amount of Samuel L. Jackson screen time. Then again, I'm of the opinion that he doesn't get enough screen time in any movie ever made in the history of human civilization.

Did Tam cry? I was going to abandon this feature because I figured it would be difficult to be moved to tears in most Bad-Ass flicks, but I guess I need to bring it back after watching this movie. Yes, I totally cried and choked up multiple times. I mean, "Romance" is part of the title and there were indeed some moments with terribly romantic dialogue. During these moments, I'd turn to my left to look at the man I love and wondered if he would ever beat the shit out of a guy for me. Well? Hard to say. Picturing it is difficult when the guy's sitting in his PJs, eatin' doughnuts.

Overall, a well-written, well-executed, action-y Bad-Ass movie with a happy ending. Can't ask for much more than that. I laughed, I cried, I grimaced, I tensed up. I'm gonna go with 4.5 stars out of 5 on this one. The half star deduction being for the measly one, maybe two minutes of Sam Jackson screen time.