Crank

OMG, this movie was hilariously terrible. I mean, semi-Bad-Ass, but not truly Bad-Ass. Mostly ridiculous with awful, awful writing.

Jason Statham is, surprise!, a professional killer. Gets injected with some kind of drug that slows him down and he's supposed to die within an hour. But instead, he figures out he can stay alive by constantly pumping up his adrenaline, mostly with drugs and sex. Blah, blah, blah. This movie had everyone in it though! Dwight Yokam, Pedro, Dennis from It's Always Sunny, the lead singer from Linkin Park (or however the hell you spell it)... So that was pretty cool.

Don't get me started on Amy Smart though. Holy shit, I wanted to commit murder through the screen so badly when her character was introduced. And let's be real, she's not nearly good-looking enough to be convincible as Jason Statham's girlfriend. Like they couldn't find a better-looking shitty actress. Funny line though; (and I'm paraphrasing) "Baby, I'm not really a video game programmer... I'm a professional killer." HA! Jason Statham, the ridiculously hot, in-shape video game programmer, with the homely, pothead girlfriend. Right. Suspension of Disbelief was in full-effect last night, folks.

Pretty violent scenes. Pedro's character got it pretty bad, as did a few of the bad guys. And the biggest "Whaaaaat?!" scene of them all? Dude is speeding, in a car chase, and shoots one of the cars off the road... WHILE GETTING HEAD! Yeah, that scene alone kept this movie from getting a completely shit rating. As Doug referred to it, "Car-chase shoot-out road-head." There's a pub quiz team name for ya.

To its credit, the pace moved pretty well and kept us engaged and entertained. It was just stupid as shit with a pretty terrible soundtrack. Quiet Riot, a *cover* of "Achy Breaky Heart," Jefferson Starship... Ugh. So, we both agreed, 2.5 stars out of 5.

Did Tam cry? No.