Due to inclement weather botching plans, we were in the mood for something that wasn't 12 Years a Slave or Dallas Buyers Club or any of the multiple downer movies in our queue. "The Protector, eh? ... Tony Jaa? Sure."
If you're not familiar with the bad-assery that is Tony Jaa, step away from this one and immediately watch Ong Bak (which, coincidentally, is the last movie we reviewed here before taking a leave of absence).
The Protector is presented by Quentin Tarantino, so that was a bit of a head's up that shit's 'bout to get real. And it did.
The plot line kinda went in and out for me; it's generally a revenge film involving elephants who were part of the family. So y'know, heartfelt, but also filled with bad guys gettin' the s-h-i-i-i-i-i-i-t beat out of them. By one dude. Tony Jaa (or "Kham").
It reminded me of John Wick, which we watched last week and should also have its own post... Anywho, it's a great formula; take an expert fighter/professional killer and harm or attempt to harm the animal he loves and cares for? Of course the audience wants to see the malicious parties completely obliterated! Like, the next Taken movie should involve a pug puppy or something. Take that shit to a whole new level.
So what, specifically, made this movie so Bad Ass? Well, for starters, soooo many broken bones. Sure, the sound effects were a little heavy-handed at times, but still, Kham was stackin' 'em up. Then, he kept taking on opponents with weapons, while he mostly remained unarmed. I say "mostly" because toward the end, when he's fighting these insane mammoth motherfuckers who are like 7'2" and 300+ pounds of solid muscle, he still manages to take 3 or 4 of them down by using friggin' elephant bones. Remembering how modest Jaa is in size, this was easily one of the most ridiculous fight scenes I've ever seen. ELEPHANT BONES!
It's not all flawless bad-guy-butt-kicking though; Jaa takes his fair share of hard hits. And falls. And stabbings, apparently. At one point in the movie, while taking on what seems to be an endless stream of opponents (think Kill Bill), Jaa, just as he's losing steam, gets stabbed in the ribs. Surely this must be the end. But no, apparently getting stabbed is his canned spinach. He some how gets re-charged and proceeds in amped-up ass-whoopings.
The movie ends on a positive note, revenge is served, and all is well.
Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. I pushed for 4.5, but Doug reminded me of the crappy acting and low-budget effects. So, 4 it is.
Did Tam cry? I teared up a bit at different points, yes. That baby elephant got to me, yo. No where near as many tears shed during John Wick though. Ugh.
