Die Hard 2: Die Harder

All in all, ok, but of course, not as good as the original. There simply wasn't as much at stake. I mean, it's gonna take more to engage me in the plot than blowing up a plane full of British people. Yawn.

Seeing John Amos was kinda cool. And it was my first time seeing Fred Thompson in a movie. Taking the guy out with an icicle? Yeah, pretty Bad-Ass. The final plane scene was decent as well.

Just too much back-and-forth for me. Where's McClane? Oh, he's looking at maps with the janitor... Wait, no, now he's at the church trying to sneak up on the bad guys... Strike that, now he's back at the airport tower.


Doug and I agreed, 3.5 stars out of 5.

Did Tam cry? No.

Crank

OMG, this movie was hilariously terrible. I mean, semi-Bad-Ass, but not truly Bad-Ass. Mostly ridiculous with awful, awful writing.

Jason Statham is, surprise!, a professional killer. Gets injected with some kind of drug that slows him down and he's supposed to die within an hour. But instead, he figures out he can stay alive by constantly pumping up his adrenaline, mostly with drugs and sex. Blah, blah, blah. This movie had everyone in it though! Dwight Yokam, Pedro, Dennis from It's Always Sunny, the lead singer from Linkin Park (or however the hell you spell it)... So that was pretty cool.

Don't get me started on Amy Smart though. Holy shit, I wanted to commit murder through the screen so badly when her character was introduced. And let's be real, she's not nearly good-looking enough to be convincible as Jason Statham's girlfriend. Like they couldn't find a better-looking shitty actress. Funny line though; (and I'm paraphrasing) "Baby, I'm not really a video game programmer... I'm a professional killer." HA! Jason Statham, the ridiculously hot, in-shape video game programmer, with the homely, pothead girlfriend. Right. Suspension of Disbelief was in full-effect last night, folks.

Pretty violent scenes. Pedro's character got it pretty bad, as did a few of the bad guys. And the biggest "Whaaaaat?!" scene of them all? Dude is speeding, in a car chase, and shoots one of the cars off the road... WHILE GETTING HEAD! Yeah, that scene alone kept this movie from getting a completely shit rating. As Doug referred to it, "Car-chase shoot-out road-head." There's a pub quiz team name for ya.

To its credit, the pace moved pretty well and kept us engaged and entertained. It was just stupid as shit with a pretty terrible soundtrack. Quiet Riot, a *cover* of "Achy Breaky Heart," Jefferson Starship... Ugh. So, we both agreed, 2.5 stars out of 5.

Did Tam cry? No.

Desperado

Desperado es muy bueno! Ugh. I bring disgrace to the hispanic side of my family, as well as my high school Spanish teacher who brought me up to near fluency. Anywho.

So this movie? Pretty Bad-Ass. The gun shoot-outs were pretty slick, although I'm sure much of that was due to the convenient pauses were everyone either coincidentally ran out of bullets or decided to take a break. Killing's hard work, yo! I should know; I kill it everyday with my curly hair and random jingles that I sing throughout the house. Mostly to the dog.

Good cast. I mean, Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek are both sex on two legs, respectively, so that always helps. And you get to see her boobs! I could care less about most celebrititties, but Salma's on that exclusive list.

Pretty good overall, but Doug and I agreed on 3.5 stars out of 5. While the action was sweet, points were lost when he calls up his band mates to help him take out a bunch of dudes and they show up with their guitar cases as their only weapons. I'm sorry, but machine guns and torpedo rocket launchers (correction per Doug) built into guitar cases that are awkward as fuck to carry around and aim? Bitch, please.

Additional points were lost due to the anti-climatic ending. Pretty meh during those last few scenes.

Did Tam cry? Nah. I guess I could've squeezed out a tear or two when that kid got shot, but a) he shouldn't have tried to retrieve his guitar during a shoot-out and b) he didn't even die, so whatevs.

Not sure if we'll go back and watch El Mariachi, but may/may not see Once Upon a Time in Mexico. Until then, adios cholos!

Commando

Well THIS was a pleasant surprise! Total Bad-Ass. Plenty of explosions, slicing dudes' heads with saw blades, impalin' that broke-ass Freddie Mercury guy with a friggin' pipe, guns, knife fights, hand-to-hand combat.... All the necessary Bad-Ass requirements in place. And it was short, too. Kinda seemed like a precursor to Taken, which helped move the plot along and kept the action steady.

It was hard not to be impressed by Arnold's body in this. Mmmmmmmmmuscle.

We both agreed, 4.5 stars out of 5. The half-star deduction was granted only because it wasn't Die Hard.

Did Tam cry? No.